The fourth trimester is the part of motherhood we don’t talk about enough. The first twelve weeks (or longer) after birth are a season of physical recovery, hormonal upheaval, identity shifts, and emotional intensity that most women aren’t fully prepared for- myself included.

So if you’re pregnant, newly postpartum, or thinking about babies in the future, here’s what I wish someone had pulled me aside and told me.

(Side note: I had a wonderful home water birth that you can read about here. For now, this one is all about what came after.)

Postpartum is a season, not a checkup

The six-week appointment is a milestone, not a finish line. Your body is still healing well past it. Your hormones are still recalibrating. Your identity is still shifting. Give yourself longer before you expect to feel like “yourself” again, and even then, she might be a slightly new version of you. I know some people will tell you it’s not a loss. But it might feel like that. You can love your baby but also grieve the changes at the same time. It’s both hard and beautiful to jump into motherhood and grow into a stronger more selfless version of you.

Freezer meals were one of the best gifts I gave myself

If I lovingly shake you by the shoulders and tell you something very practical, it would be this: make the freezer meals. Double the freezer meals. Then make some more.

In those early weeks, you do not want to think about dinner. You don’t want to chop an onion. You barely want to stand up. Having a freezer stocked with soups, casseroles, breakfast burritos, and shredded meat for tacos meant I could actually rest, nurse, and bond with my baby instead of crying into a pantry at 5pm.

A few tips if you’re planning ahead:

• Focus on meals that reheat well (think soups, stews, meatballs, breakfast sandwiches, quiche, protein oat balls)
• Label everything with the date and reheating instructions, because postpartum brain is real
• Don’t forget nourishing snacks too like sourdough bread and fruit
• Ask friends and family to bring meals. Meal trains are super helpful or you can even just ask for door dash gift cards.

Accept the help

I’m so grateful we had family who showed up. Held the baby so I could shower. Washed dishes without being asked. Brought groceries. Sat with me while I tried to figure out breastfeeding and never criticized anything. Just came to help and love on the baby

I also know that’s not everyone’s reality. Maybe your family lives across the country. Maybe the relationships are complicated, or the people who should show up just don’t. If that’s you, please hear me: your village might not look the way mine did, and that doesn’t mean you have to do this alone.

A village can be a postpartum doula. A church community. A neighbor you barely know who offered once and meant it. A friend group that organizes a meal train. An online community of moms in the same season. A therapist who holds space for you when no one else can. It might take more intention to build, but it’s worth building.

If you’re someone who likes to do everything yourself, postpartum will humble you. And honestly, that’s a gift. You were never meant to do this alone. Mothers throughout history have always been surrounded by other women- sisters, aunts, grandmothers, neighbors. The isolated nuclear family postpartum experience is a very modern invention, and maybe we should learn from others who do it differently.

So whoever your people end up being: let them help. Before the baby comes, make a list of what would actually be useful like meals, laundry, holding the baby while you nap, walking the dog, picking up groceries. When someone says “let me know what you need,” have an answer ready. Most people genuinely want to help. They just need direction.

Your marriage will be tested, and that’s okay

Nobody told me how much postpartum would stretch our marriage. Not in a bad way, necessarily. Just in a real way.

You’re both running on no sleep. You’re both adjusting to new roles. You’re both grieving the freedom of your old life while falling in love with this tiny person who needs you constantly. Resentments can build fast when you’re that depleted.

What saved us was the foundation we’d built before baby came. The hard conversations we’d already had. The habits of giving each other grace, assuming the best, and coming back to each other after hard moments. Postpartum doesn’t create marriage problems out of nowhere- it amplifies what’s already there.

If you’re pregnant right now, please invest in your marriage before the baby arrives. Go to counseling even if nothing is wrong. Have the conversations about division of labor, night feedings, in-laws, finances, expectations. Pre-baby you has the bandwidth for those talks in a way postpartum you simply won’t as easily.

The mental load might surprise you

Even with the most supportive partner in the world, there’s a mental load that tends to land on moms. Knowing when the diapers are running low. Tracking feeding and wet diapers. Realizing its time to nurse because your boobs are screaming at you. Remembering the pediatrician appointment. Noticing the baby’s mood shift before anyone else does.

It’s not bad. It’s actually beautiful in a way- this attunement you develop. But it’s also exhausting, and it’s invisible labor that often goes unrecognized. Name it out loud with your partner. Ask for specific help, not just “help.” Practice saying “I need you to own this task completely, not just assist me with it.”

Journaling and mirror notes kept me sane

When the emotional waves hit (and they will), I needed something more than just pushing through. Two simple practices became lifelines for me.

Journaling. Not the pretty kind with perfect handwriting and gratitude prompts. The messy kind. Brain dumps on my phone at 2am while nursing. Sometimes just one line: “today was hard and I love him so much and I’m so tired.” Getting the swirl of thoughts out of my head and onto paper was one of the most regulating things I did postpartum. It helped me see patterns, name what I was feeling, and process the identity shift I was going through. You don’t need a fancy journal. A spiral notebook and a pen by your nursing station is enough.

Note cards on my mirror. I also wrote out Bible verses and affirmations and taped them up where I’d see them every day. Things like “He gives strength to the weary” and “I am exactly the mother my baby needs.” On the hardest mornings, when I felt so overwhelmed, those little cards were like having a friend whisper truth back to me when I couldn’t access it on my own. Postpartum can be so disorienting that your brain genuinely needs outside reminders of what’s true. Visual cues work.

Your hormones are doing a lot

The hormonal shifts postpartum are wild. The estrogen drop after birth is one of the steepest hormonal changes a human body ever experiences. Add in breastfeeding hormones, sleep deprivation, and the natural emotional intensity of new motherhood, and you’ve got a recipe for some big feelings.

Crying for no reason is normal in the first couple weeks. But if the heaviness doesn’t lift, if intrusive thoughts show up, if you feel disconnected from your baby or yourself, please tell someone. Postpartum depression and anxiety are common and treatable. Reaching out for help is not you failing.

You don’t have to “bounce back”

I hate that phrase. Your body grew a human. It doesn’t need to bounce anywhere. It needs to be nourished, rested, and treated gently.

Eat enough. Drink water. Get outside when you can. Move your body when it feels good, not as punishment. The number on the scale is the least interesting thing about your postpartum body. What matters is how you feel, how you’re sleeping, how your mood is, and how connected you feel to yourself and your people.

I’ll be honest. As someone who loves lifting weights and long walks, it was humbling to watch my body become a different version of itself for a while. Caring for yourself will look different postpartum, but your strength will come back and your capacity to lift and move again can be part of your new life if you want it to be! I think a healthy balance means not rushing the timeline but also not letting “postpartum” become a permanent reason to put your health on the back burner.

When I was ready to start moving again, I used the Madeline Moves app and loved how postpartum-friendly her programming is. She actually walks you through what’s safe at each stage and doesn’t push you to do too much too soon. If you want to try it, my link here gets you $5 off your first month.

The days are long, the years are short, and it’s all true at once

You will have days when you count down the minutes until bedtime. You will also have moments where you stare at your sleeping baby and feel your heart physically ache with how fast it’s going.

Both things are true. You’re allowed to find motherhood hard and beautiful in the same breath. You’re allowed to miss your old life and adore your new one. You’re allowed to be a whole person with a full range of feelings, not just a glowing Instagram version of a mom.

A few things I’d tell every newly pregnant friend

• Make freezer meals starting around 32 weeks. Future you will be so grateful
• Stock up on basics so you don’t have to run out for them: postpartum pads, peri bottle, nursing pads, comfortable underwear, a good water bottle.
• Set up a “command center” near where you’ll nurse or feed with snacks, water, phone charger, burp cloths, etc
• Keep a journal and pen nearby for you to journal
• Write verses or affirmations on note cards and stick them where you’ll see them.
• Have hard conversations with your spouse now.
• Say yes to help as you’re ready for it.

If you’re struggling, you’re not alone

Postpartum can be one of the most isolating seasons of a woman’s life, even when you’re surrounded by people. If you’re in the thick of it right now and feeling overwhelmed, please know that what you’re feeling is more common than anyone talks about and support exists.

Sometimes that support looks like a friend. Sometimes it looks like your spouse stepping up in a specific way you need. And sometimes it looks like talking to a counselor who can help you process this whole new chapter- the grief, the joy, the identity shift, the marriage shifts, all of it.

You don’t have to figure it out alone. Reach out if you need to. I’d love to walk with you through this season. If you’re navigating postpartum, marriage shifts, or just the overwhelm of motherhood, I offer counseling and coaching for women and couples in this exact season of life. Reach out here for more info